


Home Is Where the Gnome Is

by Rasborealis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Although really Harry is the only one who's an idiot, Crack, De-Gnoming, Drarropoly: A Drarry Game/Fest, Fluff and Crack, Idiots in Love, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-17
Updated: 2019-11-17
Packaged: 2021-02-07 22:23:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21465493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rasborealis/pseuds/Rasborealis
Summary: To save his relationship-that-isn't-a-relationship with Draco, Harry decides to de-gnome a garden. But when do things ever go as planned for our noble hero?
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 20
Kudos: 188
Collections: Drarropoly 2.0 - A Drarry Game/Fest





	Home Is Where the Gnome Is

Harry had never exactly been an expert in romantic gestures. In his defense, he’d never claimed to be, either, but that wasn’t the sort of excuse you could get away with if you were dating Draco Malfoy – even if it was just sorta-kinda-maybe-in-secret-but-we’ve-never-actually-talked-about-it dating.

At least, that was the way Harry understood it, but he could hardly check with Draco to make sure he had it right. If he did, the sorta-kinda-maybe-in-secret-but-we’ve-never-actually-talked-about-it dating might just turn into well-it-was-nice-while-it-lasted-but-Potter-decided-to-muck-things-up non-dating. And that was just not on.

But even though the _thing_ they had wasn’t clearly defined, it turned out that being in trouble for forgetting your sort-of anniversary was still very much possible. At least, he was pretty sure that was why Draco had been ignoring him for the entire last week, because they never bloody _talked_ about any of it, _ever_, and so Harry had been forced to figure it out through a combination of clever detective work and process of elimination.

Anyway, a very-similar-to-a-romantic-gesture non-romantic gesture seemed like something that might fix Harry’s huge screw-up.

And that was the reason why he was now standing in the middle of Draco’s garden, ready to get de-gnoming.

He was well aware that Draco generally hired someone to do the job for him, but with the terrible infestations that had been spreading all throughout Britain faster than a wildfire, professional de-gnomers were impossible to come by unless one agree to be the seven hundred and twentieth name on the waiting list.

Right, there was nothing for it. Harry took a deep breath, knelt, plunged one arm into the nearest gnomehole-

“Potter, what are you _doing?”_ someone yelled.

Harry tried to jump up, but that didn’t work the way he had imagined because his arm had gotten caught on a root or something of the sort, and so instead he nearly wrenched his shoulder out of its socket. “Ahrg!” he yelled.

“Are you quite alright?” the same person asked, calmer.

“I…yes, of course, everything’s going exactly to plan,” Harry lied, bald-faced, and tried to tug his arm out more gently. It remained stuck.

“Clearly,” the person said, stepping into his field of vision. Harry blinked.

“Pansy,” he said, smiling through gritted teeth. He had very much hoped not to run into anyone while he did this, because he hadn’t been able to think of a very good excuse for why on earth he would be de-gnoming Draco’s garden – or really, any excuse at all. He’d welcome even a bad one with open arms, but his mind remained infuriatingly blank. “How nice to see you,” he said instead.

“Potter, I don’t know how to put this delicately,” Pansy said as she picked her way carefully, putting weight onto her sparkly heels only after she’d tested and made sure there was solid ground beneath every step and not another gnomehole hidden in the grass, “but I think you have a problem.”

“Definitely not,” Harry said. He just wanted her to leave so he could feel humiliated in peace.

Pansy rolled her eyes. “Honestly,” she said, and crouched at his side.

“What are you even doing here?” Harry asked.

“Draco asked me to check on his kneazle while he’s gone,” she said, taking his upper arm in a surprisingly strong grip. “Try again, I’ll help.”

Harry pulled. Pansy pulled.

“Stop!” Harry hissed eventually, because his shoulder was now in considerable pain, and as far as he could tell, his arm hadn’t moved an inch.

“Well,” she said, “that’s unfortunate.”

“What are you two _doing?”_ someone shouted.

Oh, Merlin. “Nothing!” Harry shouted, mostly on reflex. “We’re fine.”

_“I’m_ fine,” Pansy said. “_He’s_ not.”

“Right, okay,” the unknown person said, “I can…bloody hell, that’s a lot of gnomeholes.”

“I know,” Harry said. “I was trying to change that.”

“By filling them all with your limbs? Mate, I hate to break it to you, but you wouldn’t have gotten very far.” The person crouched in front of him.

“Neville,” Harry groaned. Great, now there were _two_ people witnessing his…unfortunate situation. “What are you doing here?”

“Draco asked me to check on his plants while he’s gone,” Neville said. “But I think helping you takes precedence.”

“Do you know if Draco has a spade?” Pansy asked. “You could dig him out.”

Neville winced. “Not without destroying the entire garden’s root strengthening charms,” he said. “But then again, I’d say getting Harry out is more important than the charm, so-”

“No!” Harry yelped, because destroying Draco’s garden was decidedly not the sort of non-romantic gesture he’d been trying for. “Don’t you dare! Nothing can be damaged, there has to be another way!”

“Mate, I really don’t know-”

“What are you three doing?” asked a dreamy voice.

Harry banged his forehead on the grass, which was not as dramatic as he’d hoped because it didn’t even make a good _bang!_ sort of sound, and that was the important bit.

“Luna, what are _you_ doing here?” he asked with a sigh. Had they all planned to meet up here, so they could laugh at Harry’s I-am-maybe-possibly-worthy-of-dating-Draco-Malfoy delusions?

“Draco asked me to cleanse the house of Wrackspurts while he’s gone,” she said. “But this is much more interesting.”

“Luna, if you _ever_ considered me a friend, please leave and forget you ever saw me like this,” he begged.

“Don’t be silly, Harry,” she said, then gasped. “Oh, what an astonishing amount of gnomeholes Draco has in his garden! I wish he’d told me, I could have brought a bronze necklace with me to imbue with gnome magic.”

“I don’t understand,” Pansy said.

“I’d be happy to explain,” Luna said.

“We should get Harry out of here first, though,” Neville interrupted. “Any ideas, Luna?”

“Has one bitten you yet, Harry?” she asked. Her head of lovely blond hair appeared in front of him as she knelt to be able to see his face.

“Er, no.”

“That’s too bad. If you had, you probably would have come up with a brilliant idea to get free by now – their saliva can do wondrous things, you see.” The last words she addressed to Pansy, who nodded and put on a serious ‘I am listening very intently and extremely interested in whatever you’re telling me’ sort of expression.

“Right, so we just wait, then?” Neville asked, sounding skeptical.

“What are you four doing?” a bossy voice demanded to know.

“Oh no,” Harry moaned into the grass, and tried to wandlessly cast a spontaneous combustion spell on himself.

“What are you looking for in that…is that a _gnomehole_, Harry?” Hermione sounded incredulous, which…Harry couldn’t blame her.

“Yes,” he said. “Unfortunately. And I was looking for a gnome, but then I got stuck.”

“We’re trying to help,” Pansy said quickly, as though worried Hermione would question her motives.

“What brings you here?” asked Neville.

“Draco asked me to reorganize all the books in his library while he’s gone,” she explained. “Oh! Speaking of books, do you think there’s one with a spell for this sort of situation? I mean, Harry can’t be the first one this has ever happened to.”

“Are you sure about that?” asked Pansy, her tone implying that she was certain no one but Harry could ever be this dumb.

Someone touched the back of Harry’s head. He looked up pathetically, right into Hermione’s kind eyes. “Don’t worry, Harry, we’ll get you sorted out.” Her tone was so reassuring that Harry felt a tiny bit better.

“Right, I’m going to run up to Draco’s library and figure out if there are any spells for this sort of situation.”

She straightened up, but before she could take a single step, a slow, deep voice called out, “What are you five doing here?”

“Kill me,” Harry said desperately. “Or run into the kitchen and fetch me my wand, so I can do it. Wait, is it possible to Avada Kedavra oneself?”

“No,” Kingsley Shacklebolt said, kneeling in front of him. He studied Harry for a long moment and then slowly said, “Explain.”

“What are you doing here, Minister?” Harry made an attempt at diversion.

“Draco asked me to have a look at his wards while he’s gone,” Kingsley said. “I wasn’t expecting anyone else to be here.”

Harry sighed. “Yeah, same,” he said bitterly.

“Do you have any ideas get him unstuck, Minister?” asked Luna. “I thought we might wait for one to bite him and use its saliva for inspiration, but Harry seems really quite bothered by it.”

“I can see that,” Kingsley said.

“It’s alright, I can…I can wait for some rain to loosen the earth a bit, or until Hermione finds a spell, or something,” Harry said. "Just…try to get me out of here before Draco comes home, that’s all I ask.”

Pansy cleared her throat. “Harry, I have some bad news for you,” she said.

“Oh, Merlin, no.” Harry wanted to cry. “Is it at least possible to obliviate oneself? Please tell me I can erase every fraction of memory of this incident from my mind.”

“No,” Kingsley said.

_“Fuck my life,”_ Harry said, with feeling.

There were steps, heralding the utter destruction of the last shreds of Harry’s dignity.

“What is happening?” Draco Malfoy asked faintly.

“I found him like this,” Pansy said immediately.

“I found them like this,” said Neville.

“I found everyone like this,” Kingsley explained with authority.

“Right,” said Draco. “Harry, why is your arm in a gnomehole?”

“I…I was…” Harry took a deep breath, feeling the prickle of oncoming tears. Fuck it, he had screwed it all up anyway. “I was trying to de-gnome your garden, because I needed to do something to show you I was sorry because I forgot our anniversary, except obviously it’s not actually our anniversary, because we’re not properly together, but I really wanted to be and so I was trying to be romantic, except something happened to my arm and now it’s stuck, and I’ve just announced that there’s something going on between us, which nobody was supposed to know, so now I’m a horrible idiot and everything is terrible and I want to die.”

There was a very long moment of silence.

Then Pansy said, “Wait, you’re not together? How is that possible? Blaise and I had a bet going about when you two idiots would finally move in together.”

“Wait, we weren’t supposed to know about this? Oh no,” Hermione said with a gasp, looking horrified. “I should have pretended I didn’t know what Molly was talking about when she asked me whether Draco and you would finally get married next year. Harry, I’m so sorry.”

There was another very long moment of silence.

“Harry, you pillock,” Draco said eventually. “First of all, I paid George to de-gnome my garden days ago. He said he would place some traps he invented to prevent them from moving back in. I think your arm must have gotten caught in one.”

“Oh,” Harry said weakly.

“Second of all, what the hell are you on about? How did you screw up our anniversary? It’s not even until next week! I was avoiding talking to you because I was too afraid I might accidentally give away that I was planning an anniversary surprise for the two of us.”

“Oh,” Harry repeated, even more weakly.

“Third of all, _what do you mean, we’re not properly together?”_

“Well, er, you see, we never talked about it, so I didn’t want to assume…”

“Harry,” Draco said, patiently and…fondly? “You do realize that I hold your hand whenever we’re out somewhere together? And that I call you ‘love’ in front of all our friends? And that you’ve brought me to Weasley Family Dinner _twelve _times?”

“Well, yes, but there are lots of other possible explanations for that.”

Everyone looked at Harry very intently.

“Not really,” said Luna.

“Oh.”

“Dear Merlin, I’m in love with the world’s biggest idiot,” Draco said, and knelt down, smiling, to kiss Harry in front of everyone.

**Author's Note:**

> Drarropoly is certainly getting me to write outside my comfort zone, and I'm having tons of fun in the process! I do hope I pulled this off, but either way, I'm proud of the result.


End file.
